Self-Acceptance: How to Get Your Groove Back

If someone asked you to quickly write 10 things about yourself (without having to share), what would you write? Would they be good things or bad things?

What do you tell yourself more often? I’m a good person or I’m a bad person?

If you’re like most people who struggle with self-acceptance, you probably spend more time thinking about and looking for your bad stuff rather than your good stuff.

We see what we’re looking for.

There’s a story I heard at a Yoga Workshop:

Two people were walking down the street and noticed a crack in the sidewalk with a dandelion growing out of it.

The first person said, “Ugh, look at that weed. I’m going to have all kinds of extra work to do now to get rid of the stupid weeds in my garden. Why don’t people take care of things? Someone could trip and fall on that crack. They’ll probably get sued. What a rotten day.”

The second person said, “A dandelion! I remember making necklaces and bracelets with those when I was little. One time, I made a bouquet of dandelions for my mom. I used to think they were the most beautiful flower I’d ever seen. I love spring! Look at all of the flowers and listen to the birds chirping. What a beautiful day.”

Same experience completely different reactions.

We see what we’re looking for.

When you “look” at yourself what are you looking for?

Are you looking for the weeds or the dandelions?

Most people who struggle with self-acceptance spend a lot more time looking for (and noticing) the flaws. How can you accept yourself if you only look for the flaws and ignore the beauty?

Ask any parenting expert and you’ll hear the same thing:

It takes 10 compliments to undo 1 criticism.

What’s your ratio? How often do you compliment yourself or recognize your achievements, strengths, or successes?

Would you talk to a child or a loved one the way you talk to yourself? Would you allow anyone else to talk to you (or a loved one) the way you talk to yourself?

Do you disregard all of the good things you see in others at the first sign of imperfection? Or do you maybe like them a little better because of their imperfections?

The first step to gaining self-acceptance is to learn to see yourself as you truly are.

Because if all you see is the bad stuff, you’re not seeing yourself as you really are. You’re view of yourself is distorted and you need to learn to treat yourself a little better.

So how do you change the way you see yourself?

You need to change what you’re looking for. Instead of always looking for the negatives, spend an equal amount of time looking for the positives.

The next time you catch yourself in negative self-talk, stop for a moment and give yourself an equal dose of positive self-talk.

But what if I don’t have anything good to say?

You may be so caught up in the habit of finding flaws and self-criticism that it may seem like there’s nothing good about you, the truth is there’s a whole lot of good stuff you’ve probably been ignoring or dismissing.

Start looking for the good stuff.

One of my favorite exercises comes from The Success Principles(TM): How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield.

In the book, Jack asks us to come up with a list of 200 successes.

You might be thinking: “200 successes? I can’t come up with 1 good thing about myself and now you want me to come up with 200 successes? That’s impossible.”

I’m here to tell you, it is possible. It’s not only possible, it’s so easy you might come up with more than 200 successes! and here’s how…

Create your list of 200 successes.

So grab a pen and some paper, take a deep breath, and let’s get started.

Most of us easily disregard or ignore our successes because they’re not “big” achievements, but what might not be a big achievement to us today was probably pretty significant at the time we achieved it.

Start with the basics.

The early years.

The fact that you’re reading this article means that at some point you succeeded at at least one thing, right? You learned to read! So write that down:

1. I learned to read

Did you just write that down? Guess what? There’s your second success! Whoo Hoo!

2. I learned to write

How did you get to where you are physically right now? Did you walk? Run? Drive? Ride a bike? Ride a skateboard? Hop? Skip? Dance? Twirl? Crawl? Push a wheelchair?

Can you Walk? Run? Drive? Ride a bike? Ride a skateboard? Hop? Skip? Dance? Twirl? Crawl? Push a wheelchair?

Then guess what? Those are all successes because you learned how to do each and every one of those things. So write them down as your number 3-13.

You may be thinking these things shouldn’t count because they’re too easy or everyone can do them… But, you didn’t come out of the womb with the ability to do any of these things.

You had to learn to do them. You had to practice over and over. You made a lot of mistakes at first. And it was hard work.

The fact that it may be easy now doesn’t mean it doesn’t count as a success. A lot of things that may be easy for you now were difficult in the past. Should a surgeon dismiss his surgical skills because they come easily after years of training and practice?

When you think about it, it took years of training and practice to learn the “basics” like reading, writing, walking, and running.

What are the other “basic” skills that you take for granted? (here’s a few: answer the phone, use the computer, make coffee, etc.) Add them to the list, because they count.

They are all things at which you succeeded through effort, training, and practice (You think all of those years watching mom on the phone weren’t training for you to learn to use it yourself? How much time and effort do parents put into teaching a child to talk on the phone?)

The School Years

Did you pass kindergarten? First Grade? Second Grade? Write it on the list.

Did you get any awards in school? Pass any tests? Write it on the list.

Were you in girl scouts or boy scouts? Did you get any badges? Sell any cookies? Write it on the list.

Did you play any sports? Did you ever achieve anything while playing or learning to play a sport? Did you score a goal? Make a basket? Hit the ball over the net? Hit the ball? Run a lap? Run a mile? Write it on the list.

Did you graduate from grade school? Middle school? High school? Write it on the list.

Did you go to college? If you did, you got in to college right? Did you get your degree? Write it on the list.

The adult years.

Do you have a job? Have you ever had a job? Been offered a job? Write it on the list.

Ever been promoted? Given a raise? Completed a project? Write it on the list.

Do you have kids? Have you ever taught or helped to teach your child (or any child) anything? Write it on the list.

I think you get the idea at this point…

Did you discover anything new or surprising about yourself?

Because…

You are awesome!

Are you finally starting to see it?

What are some of your favorite successes? Share them in the comments below.